my most humbling post yet…

Well, here it is. My most humbling post yet. Below you will read just a small glimpse into my 2010.  It was not a good year in many ways but PRAISE GOD, I have been redeemed and delivered from my self-inflicted hell. I was asked to give a short testimony at my MOPS groups yesterday and decided to do it the form of a letter to my future daughter-in-laws (Lord willing).  Please read this and feel free to pass it along to any friend that might be in her own self-inflicted marital hell right now.  I pray my experience is an encouragement to many that HE can and WILL lift you out of the miry pit (because my pit was VERY miry!).

Dear Daughter-in-law,

Welcome to the Jones family. I know we are a little scary and I decided to make us even more intimidating and write you a letter I wish someone had written to me prior to marriage. Let me begin by telling you that marriage can be the best thing you ever do but in order for that to happen, it will be the hardest thing you ever do (until you have kids...and that letter will follow in a few years).

Being the naïve Christian girl that I was, I bought into many of the church-taught deceptions that if you marry the one “God has for you” then you will have a spiritual leader for a husband, a passionate sex life, a considerate husband that provides for not only your financial needs but your emotional and relational needs too. It only took me a few years to realize my first marital dilemma: I married a sinner. Yep, Pete was not perfect and he failed me in many ways. Granted, I had pretty high expectations, but he was disappointing me right and left. I attempted to solve my dilemma by laboring through some “how to be a better christian wife” Bible studies, but I could only maintain my “christian wife” demeanor for a few months (at most) and then I would fall down in a prideful, bitter, pile of tears and harden my heart a little more each time. What was wrong with this man? Why wasn't he responding the way I wanted him to? I am doing everything and more to keep him happy. THIS is not what I signed up for...

After several years or wrestling with these feelings, but maintaining the appearance that all was fine and good, I hit rock bottom. I was depressed, bitter, ungrateful, angry, hard-hearted, full of self-pity and mad at almost everyone. You could not convince me that anyone really loved me for who I was, they all just wanted something from me. I put on a good front but I was wasting away inside and my marriage was headed downhill fast. A good friend of mine, who shared a similar experience, named the times in our marriage as the Self-Inflicted Miserable Bratty Hell of 2010...and it was just that, self-inflicted HELL.

Okay, here is where it gets good, I eventually became desperate enough to listen to wise biblical counsel (and a few very loving friends) and was for the first time confronted with my REAL marital problem: ME! Pete married a sinner too! I think a recent book I read says it best: When my sin became bitter, my marriage became sweeter. When I finally realized (and keep reminding myself) that I married a sinner and that I, myself, am one of the worst of sinners too, my marriage has taken a turn for the better. When I got out of my SELF PITY and started understanding the grace and love of Jesus Christ, things changed and I changed.

Dearest Daughter-in-law, I know you are feeling fearless right now as you enter into marriage full of romantic love for your husband and blinded by the bliss of romance, but I pray that you will store this letter away for the days when my son really disappoints you. When he doesn't remember your birthday like you want him to, or he constantly leaves his clothes on the floor, or he spends large amounts of money on hunting gear or spends every weekend skiing...remember that you are marrying a sinner. And remember that YOU are a sinner too. Remember that ONLY Christ can fulfill your every need and please do these things that have been recommended to me:

1. In humility, suspect yourself first-you might be sinning.

2. In integrity, inspect yourself-remove the log out your own eye first.

3. Realize that God is behind the situations that reveal that all to familiar sin, so that it might be overcome by His amazing Grace---your husband is often the instrument God uses.

4. Focus on your undeserved grace, not your unmet needs.

Dear Daughter-in-law, I pray that you are far more wiser than I was, and that you quickly run to the throne instead of the phone. I cannot stress more the importance of knowing God and letting His love be your source of hope and life. Hold on to this truth in Ephesians 3:

“My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.”

Your wonderful husband will never be enough, but HE is more than enough.

I am praying for you right now, as I personally still face the daily challenge of extending the love and grace of Jesus Christ to my husband, while remembering that I, too, am a sinner.

I thank God that he saved me from my self-inflicted, miserable, bratty hell of 2010 and I pray you never go there.

With humility and love,

Your mother-in law